Top 5 tips: How not to get a job


I was inspired by a blog post from the Open University today, that gave the top 3 tips on how not to get a job. When I say inspired; I’m pretty much going to rip it off.

In the post, the author talks about how she received an email from a graduate canvassing for jobs, and how the lack of a personal touch led her to discount his application immediately. However my post will be slightly different – giving you my top tips on exactly how to botch an interview.

These tips are fully based on my own personal experience. They’re tried and tested, so I can guarantee they work.

  1. Make sure you come across as nervous as possible. This includes sweaty palms, a dry mouth and short, sharp breaths. Make sure you breathe from the top of your lungs and not your stomach to minimise air-intake.
  2. Wear uncomfortable shoes. If you’re not used to wearing heels, now’s the time to start! Waddling unstably into the interview room is a great way to sabotage your stride and show that you lack confidence.
  3. Forget all your preparation. You may have spent hours preparing, but it’s really a waste of time. If you’re really dedicated to not getting the job, you’ll quickly forget all your prep in a moment of blind panic.
  4. If you don’t know the answer – blag it. So they’ve asked you a question you don’t know the answer to. But don’t even consider being honest! Instead, make up an answer, and hope that it might be vaguely in the right ball-park.
  5. Ask stupid questions. At the end of an interview, you will undoubtedly be given the opportunity to ask questions. But instead of asking something constructive, make sure it’s pointless and if possible, non-sensical.

Follow these top 5 tips, and you’ll never have to worry about receiving a job offer again!

Of course, if you hadn’t picked up the ‘vibe’ already, my job interview today was terrible. Despite preparing for almost a full day, I really crashed and burned. As my recruitment agent put it to me, it’s all good experience, and the way I see it – I’ve set the bar for bad interviews. I honestly hope I never beat it.


2 Responses to “Top 5 tips: How not to get a job”

  1. LOL I like this! well except the part of your interview was terrible…. guess you could say.. way to hold out for the right job! lol

  2. Thank you! It’s a shame the interview went so badly but I’m trying to see the positives!

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