The estate agent saga continues…

22May13

At the weekend, I booked a viewing for a house that I hadn’t seen the details for. Today, I had a text message (still to Mr Davis) informing me that that house had arrived on the estate agent’s books.

So I called the agent and asked if I could see the details with some photographs, maybe. At which point, the very friendly woman I was speaking to proceeded to describe the house to me in intricate detail. It has a white front door, she told me, an 8-ring-hob and range cooker, concrete walls around the front garden…I had to interrupt her, as it could’ve gone on indefinitely.

She’s sent me the details of the property on email instead. Of course, the link goes to a 404 on the agent’s website, and the images embedded in the email are all broken. I think someone out there doesn’t want me to see this house.

In the meantime, I attempted to find the property my own way on their website. Instead, I came across this little beauty – a fairly ordinary house but all means. However, the copy describing this house was anything but ordinary:

Seeing is believing, so take a look at this house and you will notice how many opportunities are about to explode in front of your eyes. Don’t mistake those fireworks for the 5th November, it’s the electricity of the expectation that you are about to get your hands on what is the equivalent to the holy grail.

I am sure you will be in total harmony as you start your journey of exploration throughout this house. On the lower ground floor you have an excellent sized room which the current owners use as an office or this would make an fantastic bedroom or second lounge if you need that extra space. Relax, inhale and exhale, listen; You can’t hear any noise in this cavern. Just silence, until it’s shattered by your music or television or entertaining.

Weigh up the options, you may want to grasp the opportunity of taking advantage of the planning permission that is granted for another dwelling to be built to the side. Hypothesize about the opportunities that could be unravelled for you and your family as if all your Christmas’s and birthdays have come at once.

Whoever wrote this – I love you.

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